Women's softball

Last fall, I played on a women’s softball team. It was the first time I’ve played on a women’s team since my college ball days (3.5 years). They play with a smaller softball than the standard co-ed ball.

My team had a mix of young women and older women. I would say the age range was from the early 20s to the mid 40s, and we had some really good players. The older players are kind of funny because many think that they’re still in high school in the 80s. They’re really tan, have 80s style haircuts, with frosted highlights, and still wear they’re 80s style uniforms – tight polyester softball shorts layered over white sliding pants. The younger women tend to wear regular workout clothes – mesh shorts, t-shirts, whatever. There is no team uniform.

Last fall, we played a team of 20 somethings that did have a uniform – matching black sexpants (fitted through the waist, butt, hips, and thighs, flared at the bottom) with a baby blue stripe down the side that matched their baby blue team baby tees. They seemed to be an exceptionally cute team (especially for a softball team) and their fans were all of their boyfriends, fiancées, and husbands. (It’s unusual to have fans at an adult softball game.) Basically, that was the girliest softball team I’d ever seen in my life. We mercied them in 5 innings.

Last night, I was a sub for a women’s team I’ve never played with. I’ve played co-ed with the girl who asked me sub and she’s pretty good so I agreed. I show up and realize, I am a sub on Team Sexpants. The girls are mostly in their 20s, impossibly cute, wearing sweatpants sexpants, and some of them even played wearing their engagement rings. And they didn’t look like very strong ball players. Our opponent was a team of stereotypical 40 something softball players (see description above).

We got our asses handed to us in 4 innings (the slaughter rule was in effect). The other team was very nice while beating us into submission (in their 4th at bats, they batted all the way around twice and some players batted three times) and after the game we shook hands. I looked each of them in the eye to see if each of them really fit the 40 something softball player stereotype. The very last girl on their team was actually a 20 something! She cleverly disguised herself in the 40 something uniform and a femmullet but she didn’t have enough wrinkles to be 40. I looked at her, said “good game,” and I knew her secret…