Snowball Makers

Yesterday, I was perusing the Bed Bath and Beyond circular while enjoying some quality quiet time. A lot of their stuff is really nice and I enjoy looking at their goods. Yesterday, I saw that they sell something that I consider to be completely objectionable. I got really worked up. It’s a snowball maker. And the picture showed these little kids using it in fake snow. It is wrong on so many different levels.

First of all, snowballs are meant to be made with hands. Hands without gloves make the best snowballs because the heat from your hand will melt the snow into a tighter, firmer packed ball.

Second, snowball fights are meant to be spontaneous. You can’t be like, “Oh, hold on! Stop throwing snowballs at me so I can run inside and get my snowball maker! Oh and wait! Stop throwing snowballs at me so that I can build up an arsenal of snowball-maker-made balls!”

Third, isn’t a snowball maker a really wimpy idea? Why don’t we give kids a snowball catapult while we’re at it so that they never have to actually touch the snow during a snowball fight? (Except for when they’re getting pelted by a kid who knows that you can’t have a snowball fight that involves a snowball maker! Sucker!)

Fourth, the design of the snowball machine is wussy. It’s like a pair of salad tongs with ice cream scoops on the end. Kitchen utensils are not to be used in the snow!

I guess I have an idea of what a snowball fight should be. They are brief but ongoing battles between brothers, sisters, friends, classmates, and teammates, on the way out of church, after a basketball game, after school, etc. They’re not 2 hour long Antietams in someone’s yard where the kids stockpile an armory of snowballs that they made using a snowball maker.

Snowballs should be made with hands. Period.

Amen.