Very Polish, Ugly Balls

When something reminds me of mafia/Sopranos/super Italian, I will refer to it has “Guido-ey.” I wanted to come up with a corresponding term to describe what my family and I did last Friday night. We went to the Polish Cultural Center for dinner, sat around a huge circle table and ate pierogi, guomki (wrong spelling), kielbasa, sauerkraut, and (something like?) nicshtike. We were surrounded by the portraits of Polish individuals who had achieved worldwide fame. Like Nobel Prize winners. All the names were very very Polish. (I have a very Polish last name and my mom’s maiden name was pretty polish too. Both begin with “K” and end with “ski.” Until I was about 10, I thought you always marry someone whose name is a lot like yours.) Anyhow, I think I came up with a phrase to describe last Friday night. UberPolacko. Uber is a German salute to “super” and Polacko is a tribute to the Spanish word “polaco” for “Polish.” UberPolacko. Christmas Eve with my family? UberPolacko. My last name? UberPolacko. Friday night dinner with the family at the Polish Cultural Center? UberPolacko.

I played softball with a new team on Saturday night and the pitcher throws a knuckleball (yes, even though it’s slow pitch). It’s a pretty tough grip so every once in awhile, there’s a wild pitch. I was catching and the umpire was doing a nice job calling balls and strikes. He would say why the ball was a ball. Common reasons for being a ball: Deep, high, low, flat, inside, outside, etc. After a ball that rolled all the way from the pitcher’s hand to the plate, the umpire yells, “Ball, ugly!” I thought that was hilarious.