Becoming acclimated to bitterness

“If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change.” Michael Jackson, Man in the Mirror

My recent discovery of coffeemate’s vanilla chai tea creamer has led me to drink more coffee than I normally do. Even when I just drink a cup a day, if I skip a day, I get a headache.

I’m also a pretty regular tea drinker (for about 6 years now) and I like to believe that green mint tea will make me hot. I think I read about its beautifying powers in a book at Barnes and Noble a couple months ago. I ran out of green tea last week and busted out some chai tea (DO NOT ADD CHAI CREAMER TO IT!!!) this week and it tasted awful. Just really really bad. I was sitting at my desk, drinking my tea, and thinking to my self, “this tea is horrible.” But I finished it anyway. And I gave it another shot today and it wasn’t nearly as repulsive. Can taste buds change in a day? Or did I just become acclimated to the bitterness?

Becoming acclimated to bitterness. What an interesting idea. As a general optimist, I thought I was impervious to becoming jaded. Recently I made the painful discovery of how very wrong I was. Not only did I soak up negativity and cynicism like a sponge, once I realized I had reached a saturation point, I found it very difficult to wring myself out. I internalized it and blamed myself and negative self talk prevailed. When I was finally able to step back and be objective about how far I was from myself, I didn’t even recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. It is a completely unnerving discovery. Things change so subtly. As humans, we learn to deal and adapt and cope. In the process, we end up putting up with more and more.

In the last couple months I’ve noticed that my car shakes really badly at highway speeds. I felt like I was sliding all over exit ramps and my tires were constantly squealing, even when I kept speeds down during turns. My treads were deep enough to pass the penny test and I knew it had been about 40K miles since my last set, but I kept making excuses and putting replacement off. Begrudgingly, I started researching tires and pricing. I was surprised to receive the best quote from my dealer. They put them on while I got my oil changed.

The day I got them, I drove home at highway speeds (on a highway) in the rain. My car didn’t shake when I hit 70, 75 and 80. I felt like my tires were firmly attached to the road, especially when I circled along the exit ramp. There was no squealing, there was no sliding, only peace. Content is being happy with the decisions you make.

It was alarming for me to take a step back and realize how far away I was from contentment. I ignored all the warning signs for so long because they appeared slowly but progressively got worse. I became accustomed to a jarring ride and feeling unsafe. It was hard for me to remember what it was like to drive normally. Having faith that you will arrive at your destination safely will not get you very far. Wanting to arrive safely means nothing. The other things that you’ve done in your life play no roll. It doesn’t matter how good of a person you are, or how good your heart is. Your car doesn’t care. The only way the situation can be fixed is to cut your losses, take some action, and get a new set of tires. And hopefully you do that BEFORE anything gets damaged beyond repair.